To own a kick scooter

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To own a kick scooter

What If...? meets the kick scooter

If you grew up reading Marvel comics you'll probably recall the Watchers. They were an extraterrestrial species of near-omnipotent immortal beings who would 'watch' the universe with advanced technology. Since they swore to never interfere with the universe or anything that was happening in it (we promise, this is indeed a kick scooter article), they were relatively useless characters. However, as observers of all things happening, they were the perfect medium for the occasional What If...? stories, in which the writers would play with different ideas ("The idea of a kick scooter?" Soon, but not yet. Hang in there just a bit longer!) Not all of these ideas were that great. Some examples included "What if Captain America became President?," "What if Aunt May had died instead of Uncle Ben?," and, I don't know, "What if that one-armed drummer from Def Leppard had Wolverine's healing powers and therefore still had two arms? How awesome would his drumming be, and also what if the Incredible Hulk was one of his roadies?"

That said, as official 'Watchers' of the alternative transportation universe, we present you with two short stories. The first story reflects the present state of affairs, in which you don't own a kick scooter. The seconds story is a What If...? story, asking "What if you owned a kick scooter?" Two gripping tales, to say the least.

A day in the life, without a kick scooter:

I ate half of a cherry Nutri-Grain bar this morning, rushed through a shower (you don't need to wash your arms and legs every day) and ran out of my apartment building so that I wouldn't be late to work. I only have to take one train to get there, but unfortunately the station is a mile from my house. This means that I have to catch a bus to the train. Buses are never reliable. Never. I need to leave my apartment forty minutes earlier than I should just to account for this. I'm not sure what shirt I put on this morning, I didn't really have time to do much more than grab and quickly button it.

The bus was only somewhat late today. I got a seat, but it was next to a dude that smelled fiercely of tuna. In fact, the smell was so strong that it couldn't have been generated that morning alone. The man was clearly awake all night feeding himself tuna fish sandwich after tuna fish sandwich. He had a greasy spot on the thigh of his pant leg and I think he was staring at me. I didn't want to turn my head to confirm this out of fear of making eye contact. Looking out the window of the bus, I saw a man zip by on a kick scooter. He looked happy.

After the bus came the train. At this point my soul was already crushed for the day. The tuna-smell from the bus had been absorbed into my clothing and I didn't shake it until the late afternoon. I didn't dare visit the new girl in Accounting. It followed me everywhere. From here on out the details of my day are completely moot. I myself don't recall them. I can say that I did a lot of sitting. It's all a blur of different seats and chairs. And that smell.


What if you owned a kick scooter?

I own a kick scooter. A Xootr MG, to be precise. I liked the flex in the wooden deck of the Xootr Cruz, and the potential for increased speed with the Xootr Roma appealed to me, but in the end I am a slave to trends. The MG is the most popular adult kick scooter, and I went with it. Fortunately, this is one of those trends that exists for good reason. The MG has everything I need in a kick scooter. It's lightweight, sturdy, portable, and it was inexpensive. I used to laugh when I saw business men coasting down New York City streets on kids' scooters, and it wasn't until recently that I discovered that there were kick scooters on the market made specifically for adults (they're not toys, they're serious modes of transportation.)

I hit the snooze button on my alarm this morning and woke up in the more leisurely manner that I've become accustomed to as of late. I took some time selecting my breakfast. I was torn between a bowl of Count Chocula and some eggs and toast. I went with the Count Chocula because a dude just can't say no to a charming cartoon vampire. My shower was particularly noteworthy: I decided to wash each of my arms and legs twice apiece. I know, such behavior is pure luxury but you should hear the compliments the new girl in Accounting gives me when she sees my arms nearly sparkling from beneath my rolled up sleeves. I wore my cornflower blue tie today.

On my way out the door I grabbed my kick scooter. I quickly unfolded it once I was outside. The Xootr kick scooter or also referred to as push scooters is known for its ability to glide. With one or two kicks to a block, I was coasting effortlessly. A couple of minutes later I was at the train station. I folded my kick scooter and headed down the subway entrance. After the short ride I had gotten my blood pumping. I didn't even need my morning coffee. Feeling completely rejuvenated, I didn't even mind the rest of my commute to work. Once at the office I slid my folded kick scooter under my desk, where it would stay until I took it out again for a midday errand or the commute home.

There you have it! Truly, two amazing tales. And the moral? The lesson to be learned? A kick scooter makes for a better day, a happier commuter, and a more complete human being. That's right, a kick scooter can do all of that.